I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
