what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
