She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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