apparently the secret to your success is patron
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize