i just sent this text using only my big toe
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
