I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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