So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
