I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
