We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
