first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
