that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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