There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i drank out of a bidet.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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