you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
