ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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