i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
