I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
