Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
