I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
