You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
