it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
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you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize