I didn't shave. On purpose
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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