I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
