I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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