So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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