I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
