I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
