i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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