oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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