A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
