I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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