Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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