we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
