just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
