youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
