I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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