He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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