The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
