I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
