I bet he comes in French.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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