why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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