he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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