i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
well you can't waste a boner
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
