Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
