If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
