I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
