Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
