What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
