So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
