i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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