home. puking in laundry basket.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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