the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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