toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
