this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
