since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
