You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
