you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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