This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
