If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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