you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ketchup is God's man juice
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
