Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
