I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
