My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
