Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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