I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
