he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
