If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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