so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hippo gnu deer
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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