If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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