I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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