Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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