Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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