I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
