Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
