i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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