k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize