she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
