Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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