I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
