Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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