No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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