the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize