he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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