you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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