peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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