I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
