I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
