Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
