True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
