Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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