if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
