i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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