Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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