I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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