I'm so fucking centered right now
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
