i already hear my dad disowning me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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