fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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