I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
