Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
